Coping Skills That Actually Work (And Why Most People Are Only Halfway There)
By Kristin Riding, LPC, ATR-BC | Painted Willow Healing | Telehealth Therapy across Pennsylvania
"Just breathe."
If you've ever been told this during a hard moment and wanted to scream, I understand. Not because breathing doesn't work, it genuinely does, but because no one ever explains why it works, or how to do it in a way that actually reaches your nervous system when you're dysregulated.
Coping skills have gotten a bit of a bad reputation, and I think it's because too often they're handed out like a shopping list without any real context. Here's what I want you to know: the right coping skills, used in the right way, can genuinely change how your body responds to stress. And for people healing from trauma, they are not a nice-to-have; they are essential groundwork.
Why Coping Skills Matter in Trauma Therapy
Before we can do deep trauma work before EMDR, before processing, before any of the heavier excavation, your nervous system needs to know it has somewhere safe to land.
Coping skills are how we build that. They are not a permanent solution to trauma. But they are what make it possible to go into difficult territory and come back out again. Think of them as the scaffolding that makes the real work possible.
I also want to say something that I tell my clients directly: a good coping skill is one you will actually use. Not the 30-minute meditation your last therapist assigned. Not the elaborate routine that requires perfect conditions. Something achievable, something yours.
Breathing: The One That Actually Works When You Know How to Use It
Your breath is the only autonomic function you can consciously control, which means it is a direct line to your nervous system. When you slow and deepen your breath, you activate the parasympathetic nervous system (your body's "rest and digest" mode), which counters the stress response.
Here are a few breathing techniques I use with clients, drawn from my clinical practice:
Equal Breathing (Sama Vritti)
Inhale for a count of four, exhale for a count of four; all through the nose. This is one of the most accessible techniques and works particularly well when you're feeling anxious or can't stop ruminating. It's especially helpful before bed if racing thoughts are keeping you awake.
Belly Breathing (Abdominal Breathing)
Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Breathe in through the nose so that your belly (not your chest) rises. Aim for six to ten slow breaths per minute. This technique stimulates a relaxation response, can reduce heart rate and blood pressure, and with consistent practice, those benefits compound over time. With kids, I call it "balloon breathing." make your belly big like a balloon when you inhale, and slowly deflate as you exhale.
Alternate Nostril Breathing (Nadi Shodhana)
Hold your right thumb over your right nostril, inhale through the left. At the top of the breath, close the left nostril with your ring finger and exhale through the right. Then inhale through the right, close it, exhale through the left. Continue alternating. This technique is particularly helpful when you need to focus or feel mentally scattered. it literally works with both sides of the brain simultaneously. Think of it as a cup of coffee for your nervous system.
Body Awareness: Learning to Check In
One of the things I see most often in people who have experienced trauma is a disconnect from their own body. Not because they're doing anything wrong — the body often learns to mute its signals as a form of protection. But that disconnection makes it harder to notice when you're escalating, and harder to come back down.
Body awareness is a skill that can be rebuilt, gradually and gently.
A simple starting practice: twice a day - morning and before bed, pause and notice where you feel sensation in your body. You don't have to name it or analyze it. Just notice. A tightness in the chest. A heaviness in the legs. A warmth in the hands. Over time, this check-in becomes a bridge back to yourself.
Body mapping is a more intentional version of this practice, where you draw or mark on an outline of a human figure where you notice sensation. It sounds simple, and it is but what it reveals can be profound.
When Negative Thoughts Are Running the Show
Trauma and anxiety share something in common: they both generate a lot of negative, automatic thoughts that feel more true than they actually are. These thoughts move fast and often stay below the surface, quietly influencing how we see ourselves and the world.
One of the art therapy tools I use in my practice for working with these thoughts is what I call the Four Square: a structured directive that helps clients identify a negative belief, draw it, connect it to feelings and real-life situations, and then generate thoughts that challenge it. The act of drawing the thought giving it shape, color, form, can actually reduce its power. It becomes something outside of you, something you can look at and question, rather than something that simply is.
A Note on What Makes a Coping Skill Sustainable
The best coping skills are the ones that fit into your actual life. I work with clients on what they're already doing — and we add small, achievable things from there. That might mean putting on music you love and lighting a candle while you make your morning coffee. It might mean stepping outside for five minutes between tasks. It might mean doing belly breaths in your car before you walk into a difficult situation.
Small practices done consistently build the kind of nervous system resilience that makes deeper healing possible.
Working Together at Painted Willow Healing
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board-Certified Art Therapist offering telehealth therapy throughout Pennsylvania. I work with adults and young adults (17+) who are healing from trauma, PTSD, anxiety, burnout, and more. My approach is integrative which means we build the coping tools that are right for you, and we use them as the foundation for whatever deeper work you're ready for.
I accept most major insurance plans and offer self-pay options. I also offer a free consultation for new clients.
If you're ready to find coping strategies that actually fit your life and a therapist who will meet you where you are, I'd love to connect.
Reach out: kristin@paintedwillowhealing.com | (724) 315-7805
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Kristin Riding, LPC, ATR-BC is a trauma therapist and board-certified art therapist offering telehealth therapy throughout Pennsylvania at Painted Willow Healing. She specializes in trauma, PTSD, anxiety, burnout, and integrative healing.
